Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 7

What is so popular about picking gross topics for lunchtime conversation? One would think it would be best to talk about the great sea urchin ceviche they got at Dorsia, but nooo...
Fun Facts from today's science lesson:

• Boys' gymastics has their shoes lined up next to the door and so the gym smells like sweaty feet, because of the sweat and stuff.
• Hockey locker rooms smell like pure urine.
• If you keep sweaty clothes in your car, the whole car will smell.

Coming up next, Mike Rowe will be featured in our breakroom to film an episode of "Dirty Jobs". I bet the guys at Waste Management don't talk about the shit they vacuumed out of a toilet while they eat lunch. It's gross in this office, folks!

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 6

Well this is getting awkward. A joke about someone being attracted to their dad has become a real discussion about how attractive this dad is. Obviously there is a huge age difference between father and daughter (for reasons we won't delve into here). Then the ladies wonder why men date younger women. I would think that answer is pretty obvious. Men are shallow and like a good looking mate. Sometimes we don't care about personality and would rather have someone to just make sandwiches and do laundry. Sometimes. I wouldn't be interested in a much younger lady, but I can see the reasoning behind it.

Quote of the Day: "I dream about spreadsheets." MEEEE TOOOOOOO!!!!

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 5

Once again, we return to our aches and pains. With all of election updates, economic news, and sports headlines the conversation always skips over all of that and return to talking about themselves. How selfish! Maybe I should start leaving copies of the Wall Street Journal on the breakroom table.

I was lured into talking for a few minutes in the breakroom while heating my food. After all, you keep your friends close, and your subject matter closer.

The office is so empty today, I didn't expect much. Likewise for tomorrow.

Quote of the Day: "You want to join us for lunch with the girls?" Hahahahahahahahahah... no.

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 4

WAR DECLARED!! THE ANTS ARE BACK! As someone who has had an ant problem, I understand the gravity of this situation and truthfully want to do my part. I will make periodic trips to swat ants, as this invasion is not to be tolerated.

Someone is cooking some awful frozen meal. Even my worthless sense of smell can pick up this odor. I pity their colon.

Funny word confusion: Cajun Pawn Stars vs Cajun Porn Stars. Personally, I like the latter, but I don't think the demographic in the kitchen agrees. Giggity.
Now we hear some family stories about the bayou, but I can barely understand because someone has decided to have a phone conversation in the breakroom at the same time. He is rarely in there, so I forgive him as a guest not understanding the rules of lunchtime. The participants talk, and I listen. No competing conversations allowed.

Is it pop or soda? Neither. It's a Coke. Only one person seems to know this rule, bless her. Pop sounds like got your pants hiked up too high. Soda is the ending part of the name of a wintery US state- Minne-"soda". Of course this segues into sweet tea discussion. Lipton mixes are not correct. Sugar substitutes are also wrong. Sweet tea is this: Boil one quart of water. Drop in three to four cups of sugar.Stir in until dissolved. Turn off heat, put in two tea bags. Allow to steep for 20 or more minutes. Pour into a pitcher and cut with 50% water. Everyone else is wrong, wrong, wrong. The idea of having Splenda in my tea is just... ewww.

Soda and beverage discussions ensued for some time after this. We covered nearly everything within NAICS code 31211. Until tomorrow, dear readers.

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 3

Unfortunately we come back to a medical topic, I guess middle aged people have nothing else new in their lives. I want to talk about knee caps. And how regular exercise can affect pain of the knees when doing regular exercise. (There appears to be a lack of dedication to truly "working out." I think this can be summed up by my friend Clifton's statement, "If you go the gym and work out half-assed, you still leave with half an ass.. or more!") It certainly seems expensive to pay for personal trainers. I heard $25 per session, which to me sounds like someone needs to buy some workout tapes! Tony Horton and Beachbody.com will hook you up.


I don't know if you knew about Whitney Houston's life? Well, if you don't let's talk about Bobby Brown and how he affected her and everything. Storytime! He was invited to the funeral, which was a limited seating event, and was allowed to bring two guests. He ended bringing nine or so guests, basically his entourage. I sympathize with the guy, I rarely go anywhere without my ten man entourage. Anyhow, they kicked him out. Moral of the story: Don't go to funerals.

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 2

Smaller group than I expected. A little disappointing, but it is only Tuesday. For some reason they managed to stay on topic for a long time. The armchair chiropractors were out today though, a full diagnosis and re-diagnosis of one of the staff was performed. Deep tissue massages were mentioned. Health insurance was covered in great detail. No stone left unturned. Did you check your HMO? Yelp? Facebook? There is a lot that goes into finding someone to adjust your bones. I learned just how much I didn't know about chiropractice. Ensuing threats of malpractice were issued, a rebuttal was formed. Today was very medical, with all sides drawings from their years of experience in medicine to inform a coworker about choosing a doctor.

Shit Heard From the Breakroom Part 1

My desk is conveniently located next to the kitchen/breakroom in our office. After weeks of hearing the office banter, I thought it might be good to post some of the more humorous conversations I overhear:

Today's lunch discussion began with a discussion about whether or not it was fair to allow honor roll students to go study in the library during their lunch period.

Conversation then shifted to a round-robin discussion about "things that make my eyes water." Some folks are affected by pollen, others by the wind. Excessive sunlight was irritating to one, while another succumbs to a leaky tear duct when she sneezes.

An excellent lunchtime topic arose, when a story about someone being vomited upon was told. Of course, this was an opportunity for all to tell their favoring puking stories. I hope nobody was eating dairy today. This yogurt on my desk is not looking as appetizing as usual.

Looks like we are wrapping up lunch for today, more to follow.

Breakroom Quote of the Day: "'But Mom, you always have a headache and cramps!'"