Sodium Part I

I imagine I will have many more posts on this subject, so I will begin by introducing the character in question. This individual, who we will call "Stacey," recently gave birth to her second child. I did not know this individual pre-pregnancy, so I cannot comment on her former figure. However, since having the baby, a somewhat unstructured attempt has been made to lose the baby weight. Given what I have witenessed, this goal seems unachievable.

Here is the setup of what Stacey chose for lunch:
- 1 Panera Potato Soup
- 1 Panera Chicken Salad Sandwich with Extra Mayo
- 1 package of Ranch dressing for dipping

Here is the rationale behind this choice:

"I am trying to watch my sodium intake."

UMM, WHAT??!? Watch your sodium intake go where? UP?

By my calculations, courtesy of some excellent consumer information websites on the Internet, the sodium breakdown is as follows:
Potato Soup- 910mg
Chicken Salad Sandwich- 1750mg
Mayo: 150mg

This adds up to about 2700mg of sodium, or 115% of daily suggested intake. Unless this is her only meal for the next 27.6 hours, Stacey should consider some healthier food.

Is that a microwave in your pocket?

Nothing good today, except for one quote:

"I just want to shove it in there and leave it..."

So do I. So. Do. I.

Caught!

I must confess, the end of this blog might be near. Although in actuality I seriously doubt that.

The folks in the breakroom are aware that I am able to hear everything that goes on in there. However, the circumstances behind their discovery are the amusing, of course.

I overheard them discussing the logistics of a coworker who was picking up lunch that day for everyone. In fact, she picks up lunch every day. Regardless, it was questioned about why she was taking so long. She had been delivering some supplies somewhere and was intending to get lunches on her way back. Knowing this, the group still felt the need to discuss which Subway or Quiznos she was going to and virtually gave her advice about the best choice. This is a grown woman we are talking about, someone who is expert in getting lunch for a large group and fully capable of locating restaurants.

I texted this individual the ridiculous conversation that was going on, and she sent a text to one of the breakroom divas saying exactly which restaurant she was going to and when she would be back. They wondered how she knew they had been wondering this, and suspected me. I did not deny my knowledge of this, and afterwards conversation got incredibly quiet. I couldn't hear anything but "psssspsppssppsspp" for the next 20 mins.

A day later, I have noticed that volume levels have returned to normal so it appears they have a short term memory about my ability to capture conversation. Starting next post I will begin introducing the characters in further details as I intend to take these posts a bit more seriously. It is the least I can do for you, dear readers.

Slimming Down

This is something I heard from a third party observer, as I had my headphones on today while trying to accomplish actual work.

I share this only because I think we had a huge scientific breakthrough today. Here is the transcript as it was emailed to me:
"Breakthrough Discovery: A Chipotle burrito with all the fixings, chips, vanilla wafers, and Dr. Pepper help you lose baby weight too. esp. if consumed in one sitting. Now, I love good food, but you should have seen what she ate during pregnancy. And then the high blood pressure came as a shock. I calcuated she ate 4,000 cal at lunch one day."

I'm heading out to Chipotle as we speak to shed the pounds.

Shit Heard from the Breakroom Part 8

I'm sorry it has been so long, dear readers. I was drawn out of town for work and have been unable until this week to record any events in the breakroom. Some key players have been taking PTO and others have apparently abandoned the quest of breakroom domination. Both of these actions: unacceptable.

We are easing back into normal conversation with a discussion about Taco Bell vs. Chipotle. Not sure why those two are compared, but something about the way the sauce burns the customer's nose is very likely the source of contention.

Why is everyone talking so quietly? Either I am going deaf or they are whispering. Hopefully when we move offices I can get the desk right next to the new breakroom. If it is far away, I will send it back.